To some, this may be a slightly crude entry. To me, it is just plainspeak and a recount of my evening.

It started this morning. Itching. My ankles. My wrists. My belly. I checked the itchy spots. Small welts. Small itchy welts. Mesquito bites? Fleas? Spiders? It is hard to tell. Throughout the day, after inadvertantly scratching, some of the welts broke open. By dinner time, the itching was slightly distracting.

I decided I needed an oatmeal bath. Not that we have oatmeal in the house. So I settled for a de-stress salt bath. One problem--the bathroom door is locked.

*knock knock knock*

I hear a teenaged male voice ask, "What?!"

Ooooooooooooooooh no! "Chandler, are you in there pooping?!? Huh?!? Are you?!?"

"Yes, leave me alone!"

"No! I am getting ready to take a bath!"

"Sorry!"

Sorry my butt! There are two other perfectly fine working bathrooms in the house. Why use the one with the bathtub when I announced in the car that I was going to take a bath?!? Itching sensations begin to radiate through my body.

Around this time, I started to have a different biting itch in a very private spot (lower ass/inner thigh area). When I itched, it felt a little strange. Tick! I tear through the house looking for Rob.

"Is there a TICK on my ASS?"

"Let me see...well, there is something there...hang on..."

"O-U-C-H!"

Yes, there was a tick on my ass. As I round the corner back towards the bathroom, I see Aliyah slip in. No-oooooooooooo!

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Epilogue: I did get my bath. Stink free. Candle lit. Bubbles. Bath salts. Still itchy. But ready for bed. Goodnight!